Writer: Samrawit Chernet
Paper title: Should developed countries pay for global warming?
Evaluator: Ester Hunda
Checklist of Basics:
So far, the length of the paper is 1,659 words.
1. Is there a title? What is it? Does the title fit the essay? Why or Why not? Suggestions?
There is a title which also consists to be the same as the research question: “Should developed countries pay for global warming?”
I think it fits the essay perfectly because this is what the whole paper is about.
2. Does the introduction grab the reader’s attention? Why or Why not? Suggestions?
I think the introduction is good enough to grab reader’s attention as it starts by pointing out the poor conditions in which developing countries live and that make us reflect and question ourselves what would be the best solution to help them in terms of global warming.
3. What is the author’s thesis (the main idea of the whole paper)? Underline it if the paper is printed out (write it down if you’re reading from a blog). Does the paper support the thesis? Explain where it strays.
The thesis statement is introduced in the first paragraph:
“Developed countries should pay for global warming because they profoundly contributed for the climate change which is a cause for bio-diversity damages, significant health issues on people in both developed and developing nations, finally because they should step in and take responsibility to save the environment from further losses.” It starts by stating the author’s attitude towards the issue and includes the three main reasons why developed countries should pay for global warming. The paper supports the thesis with 4 body paragraphs and there is still work in progress.
4. Is the draft effectively organized? Each paragraph should focus on explaining ONE and only one topic sentence. Could it be organized differently? Draw lines on the draft to move around sentences/paragraphs if need be.
The draft is effectively organized. There is 6 paragraphs so far and each paragraph is focus only on one topic sentence.
5. Are all of the sources from the references being integrated into the paper?
I believe there is 4 sources included in the paper so far and they all follow the ICE method.
6. Are the paragraphs unified? Are there clear topic sentences? Does every sentence in the paragraph support the topic sentence?
The paragraphs are clearly organized and each paragraph supports one main idea which makes it easier for the reader to better understand it.
7. Are there clear, effective transitions? Mark paragraphs that don’t make sense or suggest transition words.
There is clear transitions between paragraphs but they become a little bit repetitive. Instead of “the third reason”, “the fourth reason” etc, I would probably suggest, “In addition to”, “Furthermore”, “Also” etc..
8. If there is a conclusion: Is the conclusion effective? Does it adequately conclude the essay? Make sure it’s not introducing new information. Suggestions?
There is no conclusion yet.
9. Where would the paper benefit from additional support and examples? Write on the draft where additional information is needed. What do you need to know?
I think the draft has enough information. What I was looking for in the paper was the counterargument but that is still a work in progress.
10. What are the strengths of the paper? What about the paper works well? Be specific.
There is a good research questions and there is plenty of information and sources the writer has integrated together.
11. Make two specific suggestions for the next draft.
I would suggest Sam to reduce a little bit the amount of stastical data in the paper and give some more personal opinion.
Within the last few decades loneliness has become an increasingly common occurrence, and is something which seems to have been driven largely by recent technological advancements. As a result of these advancements, the average person is exposed to an increasingly large number of people each day. But unlike in the past where these contacts would occur face to face, in today’s society, most of this contact occurs via a television screen, a computer monitor or a cell phone. People have prioritized communication technology as something they can’t live without, or else they will be disconnected from life and the world. But is technology actually connecting people to the real world? - Or does it make them more alone?...
Humans are genetically designed to gain satisfaction from meaningful relationships with real people, and as a result, receive many benefits from doing so. For example, babies who are handled frequently when they are young grow bigger, have better muscle development and are generally healthier than babies who receive little or no physical contact. Another example can be found with people who have lots of friends in their life. These people are much more likely to be happier, healthier and live longer than lonely people. Whatever the reasons may be for these mental and physical benefits, the fact remains that there is something about real human interaction that completes us, as without it, our body and life slowly starts to break down.
Looking at any public setting in today’s world, there is a 90% chance to see everyone with their heads down doing something on their cell phones, tablets, laptops, or whatever new technology is on that rise. People are getting to the point where they don’t “know” people anymore, they just “know of” them from social media. (Holston, 2016) Although technology has made global communication possible, it has also affected human interaction, personal and social relationships, communication skills by leading people towards loneliness, frustration and then depression. Surprisingly, those who report feeling most alone is the least expected category, young people under 35 who are the most prolific social networkers of all. (Warrell, 2012)
To begin with, a good example of how technology affects human interaction can be found with the average family. Whereas in the past a family would sit down, eat dinner together and talk, nowadays, it’s far more common to sit down in front of the TV and eat without talking. In some families they don’t even sit together, as the ready instant meal means that they can eat whenever and wherever they want. Unfortunately, this self-imposed isolation is not confined solely to dinner time, as after dinner, each family member will go their separate ways. Usually, returning back to TV, going on the Internet, playing a computer game, listening to their iPod or chatting on their cellular phone. The result of this technological bubble is that people are having less face to face communication, and more indirect communication via intermediaries such as computer screens or telephones.
Despite the fact that technology now allows a person to communicate with lots of people all over the world, in reality, no matter how many “friends” people have on social networks like “Facebook”, they still result in the same thing; a technological bubble which keeps them isolated from real human contact and real human interaction. As Sherri Turkle, author of Alone Together wrote: “Until people learn how to be okay with solitude, they are not going to be able to connect deeply with others” (Turkle, 2011), because these virtual friends cannot adequately satisfy their needs, wants and desires in the long-term. The reason for this lack of satisfaction is because most people use technology as a means of distracting themselves from their feelings. That makes them feel good in the short-term, but eventually, the distractor leads to frustration because it is not satisfying that person’s real needs. For example, suppose that someone is feeling lonely, but rather than listening to this feeling they distract themselves from their loneliness by chatting online and participating in various forums. For the time being, this person may think that their needs are being satisfied, as chatting with their Internet friends takes away the feeling of loneliness which they once had. Given enough time, however, this person will become increasingly more frustrated because no matter how much they chat online; they can never seem to fulfill one of their most basic needs; a real relationship with real human contact and interaction. The longer they ignore their feeling of loneliness the more painful it will become, and the greater their desire will be to use the distractor (online chatting) to further distract themselves from those feelings. If this continues, the person may eventually slip into depression. According to a study conducted among 452 Korean adolescents, Internet addiction was significantly associated with depressive symptoms and obsessive-compulsive symptoms. (Kim et al., 2007)
Another example which shows how virtual relationships fail to satisfy our needs, can be found with online dating. Most people find it fun to flirt for a while, but eventually, virtual flirting is not very satisfying. This is why online dating frequently results in people meeting up in the real world, because face to face communication and contact is the only way to truly satisfy your needs.
Technology has also a huge effect on social relationships. Virtual communication is much more limited that in person communication. For example, talking to someone online excludes the use of body language, voice tone and eye contact from a conversation. As a result, the less face to face communication people have, the worse their social skills are likely to become. The effect of these poor social skills can then make it difficult for a person to form meaningful and lasting relationships outside the virtual world. For example, they might find it difficult to communicate their message verbally, be unable to read the various nonverbal forms of communication which signal whether a person is interested or not in what they are saying.
If people project the trend of blind communication forwards into the future, what sort of society will they be looking at in 20-30 years? If the current generation of children spend most of their day watching TV and playing computer games, how will they be able to communicate effectively with others when they grow up? And if they are unable to communicate effectively, how will they form lasting and meaningful relationships with people? Will these people be able to attract members of the opposite sex? And if so, how long will such relationships last if there is little or no communication in it?
Although this might all sound a bit alarmist, the warning signs are around and more and more people are becoming lonely as a result. The only way people can overcome this loneliness and prevent the future from becoming a lonely place, is to stop ignoring their feelings or distracting themselves from them. Instead, they must learn to start listening to, and appropriately, responding to, the messages that their feelings are telling them.
However, online technology is not some “necessary evil.” Far from it. (Warrell, 2012) It is how people use it that determines whether is good or bad. Occasional blind communication (i.e., communication which does not involve face to face contact (Oduaran, 2010)) is perfectly fine in moderation. But if technology is used as a distractor, then people’s mental and physical health as well as their social life will be adversely affected. So as long as for most of the day they’re interacting with each other in real life, the risk of being unable to develop meaningful and lasting relationships will be relatively low.
Dealing with loneliness. Strategies. (Work in progress)
Conclusion (Work in progress)
1. Although technology has made global communication possible, it has also affected human interaction, personal and social relationships, communication skillsby leading people towards loneliness, frustration and then depression.
2. Despite the fact that technology now allows a person to communicate with lots of people all over the world, in reality, no matter how many “friends” people have on social networks like “Facebook”, they still result in the same thing; a technological bubble which keeps them isolated from real human contact and real human interaction.
Then, respond: what was your score? If you missed any, did it surprise you? Do you think you can spot fake news? Have you ever been guilty of believing or disseminating fake news?
I answered 4 out of 6 questions correctly. I think that sometimes I might be a little bit confused whether the news is fake or not. But I don't remember any specific situation feeling guilty about it.
Being an ESL student is not easy. But I was told to ignore that fact and never underestimate my abilities.
Regarding to this class my attendance has been 100% but i must admit i haven't given my best in group activities and that's because I hadn't had a lot of interest in some of the topics we have been discussing. I have completed 90% of my blog assignments and since got a B on my op-ed I'm going to work harder and convert that B into an A for my final research paper.
It is said that everyone loves a parade. And apparently, no one loves a parade more than the president Donald Trump.
Trump has seriously proposed that the U.S. military put its forces and might on a parade. Why would he want to do this? If he truly wanted to honor the military and the sacrifices its men and women have made it might be understandable, but seems more like he wants a grand show of respect for himself and the power he commands. Of course, this is exactly what the autocrats in China, Russia and, especially, North Korea do to remind the world and their own people of the power they command.
The request for a military parade was initially made by President Donald Trump to The U.S. Department of Defense, after observing the Bastille Day celebrations in Paris last year. Trump said he wanted to hold a similar parade on Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, perhaps to celebrate the Fourth of July. According to the officials, Trump’s desire for a parade was suddenly heard as a presidential directive.
“The marching orders were: I want a parade like the one in France,” said a military official who spoke anonymously because the planning discussions are supposed to remain confidential. He noted that shows of military strength are not typical in the United States.
Unlike France, however, the United States until now has primarily conducted large-scale military parades to mark military triumphs. The largest in U.S. history was the Grand Review of the Armies on May 23–24, 1865, to mark the end of the Civil War. 145,000 men paraded down Pennsylvania Avenue for two days under the watchful eyes of President Andrew Johnson and the commanding general of the Army, Ulysses S. Grant. The U.S. military marched down the avenues of D.C., New York, and smaller American cities on multiple other occasions during and following the victorious ends of the Spanish-American War, as well as the First and Second World Wars. The most spectacular modern-day example was the June 1991 National Victory Celebration to commemorate U.S. victory in the Gulf War.
There is a few reasons why Trump’s parade is considered to be a bad idea. First of all, shows of military strength are not typical in the United States and they can be very expensive. According to Mick Mulvaney, the White House budget director, the cost of shipping Abrams tanks and high-tech hardware to Washington could cost between $10 million and $30 million and the government would have to come up with a way to cover the cost. Instead, all these money could be better used elsewhere. Plenty of vets still need health care, maneuver battalions could use more training funds, aircraft need spare parts and ships need repairs. So instead of spending all these large amounts of dollars in a parade which only lasts a few hours, the government should think in long terms about the welfare of the country and make the best use of that money.
Also, many officials including John Kirby, a retired Navy rear admiral and former spokesman for the State Department and the Pentagon think Trump’s military parade is a bad idea. As Kirby states, the United States don’t need a parade to show their military strength. America is already recognized as the leader of the NATO alliance and a model of military professionalism that countries across the global seek to emulate. This statement made by Kirby is completely true and time has already proven it.
Furthermore a large-scale military parade would reinforce two negative themes of Trump’s own presidency: insecurity and isolation. Military parades that do not stem from a victory and are not part of an annual patriotic holiday cycle symbolize a deep sense of insecurity of a country’s political and military leadership. Yet it will likely have the opposite effect for the president, give a wrong message to other countries and make America and his administration vicariously look weak.
President Donald Trump has requested a military parade to The U.S. Department of Defense. After observing the Bastille Day celebrations in Paris last year, Trump said he wanted to hold a similar parade on Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, perhaps to celebrate the Fourth of July.
The French parade was held last July and featured more than 6,000 service members, tanks and planes overhead in an elaborate display of military might. French President Emmanuel Macron invited Trump to watch the parade beside him.
According to the officials Trump’s desire for a parade was suddenly heard as a presidential directive. “The marching orders were: I want a parade like the one in France,” said anonimously a military official because the planning discussions are supposed to remain confidential.
There is a lot of reasons why the parade is a bad idea. The last major U.S. military parade was in 1991 at the end of the Gulf War and it cost $22 million in today’s dollar. Shows of military strength are not typical in the United States and they don’t come cheap. The cost of shipping Abrams tanks and high-tech hardware to Washington could run in the millions, and military officials said it was unclear how they would pay for it. Instead, all these money could be better used elsewhere. Plenty of vets still need health care and maneuver battalions could use more training funds.
Also, a lot of officials including John Kirby, a retired Navy rear admiral and former spokesman for the State Department and the Pentagon think Trump’s military parade is a bad idea. According to Kirby, the United States don’t need a parade to show their military strength as it is already recognized as the leader of the NATO alliance and a model of military professionalism that countries across the global seek to emulate.
Ester, Sam, David
1. Take a look at the examples in the links above. Which one(s) make you want to keep reading beyond the first paragraph? That’s the test of whether a lede/lead works.
We think that the most interesting article that catches the readers attention would be the third one:
"Marijuana can save lives". First of all, it discusses a current issue that a lot of people have interest in and also includes facts and statistics that make it more reliable.
2. Is the title effective? Why? Why not?
The title is effective because it states an opposite point of view of what is considered as a general truth, that marijuana has only negative effects on people’s health.
Pentagon Says Trump Ordered Washington Military Parade
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
President Donald Trump has asked the Pentagon to plan a grand parade of the U.S. armed forces in Washington this year to celebrate military strength. His request has been interpreted as a presidential order.
This is probably not the best idea for the following reasons: